April 12, 1912

Do I bow my head, silence myself, pray? And do I then do the opposite--raise my head, speak, curse?

No, not that.

I have a feeling that I am alive, and will live, although I am not supposed to, and haven’t the strength to avoid the punishment, and haven’t the strength to bear it. There is a desire to curl up, to shrink--and disgust for it.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------